bone crushing. i felt it all day after listening to my father cry. he was sad. i told him we are all okay and that i loved him. i told him that he is okay. i told him that i wouldn't want our family any other way. i told him i had to go. heavy hearted i walked all day. i tried to move around it, i tried to move past it, i tried letting the wind beat in my ears, the cold numb my body and free me. i tried.
but i was, and am still, consumed by his pain. his heart is shattered. a broken man, trying his best to be everything he can for what is left of his broken family. to right the wrongs he did so long ago.
ringing in my ears, screaming through my veins. gnawing on my bones. his sadness i have now claimed. but i know now he has been released from it, and i find comfort in that. he is my father and i love him. tonight i will refuel. tomorrow i will be better.